


life doesn't have an undo button

by bigbuffbee



Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, big sad, the bad ending from kamals POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-20 13:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19993003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigbuffbee/pseuds/bigbuffbee
Summary: What was Kamal thinking?Having a goddamn kid go up there alone to simply talk it out with an unhinged man. How pathetic can he get?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> of course i made this in the middle of the night.

What was Kamal thinking?

Having a goddamn kid go up there alone to simply talk it out with an unhinged man. How pathetic can he get?

Kamals head was pounding- either from his skyrocketing anxiety, the voice inside his head screaming, or something with that somewhat familiar smell lingering around. He himself doesn’t quite know what exactly is happening but all signs point to “Not Good”.

He managed to wake up the rest of the habititcians and lead them out before the Carla’s seeped out from whatever basement he was never aware of. When the last of the habiticians got well out of view behind the rocks and trees, he turned his head back to the tower. It was just before dawn and he can see the Martha machine churning even intensely than usual. His heart dropped thinking about that, seems like his gut was right. Despite his legs feeling like jelly, he trudged back to the gates. Even though he was one part coward, there was the other part being a former assistant that knows his things. Perhaps if flower kid wasn’t doing too well on their part, he could… ah who was he kidding?

As soon as he arrived within the habitats walls, he almost doubled over. Well that explains Martha’s activity. Taking a moment to shake his head out he dragged his feet step by step in front. Trying to not pay attention to the Carla’s that now took the empty spaces of the previous habititcians, they almost seemed convincing that he should probably just stop and take a rest. It likely didn’t help that they all spoke in perfect replication to the doctor Habit.  
Could it be there’s a part that genuinely misses him, or is it just basic human decency to make sure all is (somewhat) well?  
For crying out loud why does the pathway need to be so twisted? When he was walking on carpeting flooring it felt like he was slipping on ice, reaching the boiler room was even worse. He placed his hands on the wall for semi balance but his senses were so messed up they felt like he put his arm in putty being stretched and folded.

At least the elevator was still working.

A moment to respite. And now is the point the tsunami inevitably reaches the shore.

He looked into the waiting room. Empty chairs lined the walls and at least there wasn’t any Carla’s in here. Looking at the office room he can see the lights flicker underneath it.  
He walks towards it.  
He hovers his hand on the knob.  
He stares at his fingers frozen in place.  
He can’t breathe.  
He is terrified.  
He starts shaking.  
Oh god.  
He can’t focus on the muffled voices through the door.  
He hears glass shattering.

Flower kid you better be okay..  
Hab-Boris. You bett.er. . .  
...  
His body locked like a deer in the headlights but his mind was racing.

**_“KAMAL OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR”_ **   
_“KAMAL IT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT IF THEY GET HURT.”_   
_“KAMAL YOU DAMN COWARD”_   
_“I know. I know I am”_   
_“I’m trying. So hard.”_   
_“I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I c-can”_   
_“BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT”_   
_“OPEN. THE. DOOR.”_   
_“I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying.”_   
_“Please.”_   
_“Flower kid.”_   
_“Boris.”_

_“...”_   
**_“...”_ **

His throat finally coughed up a breath and he inhaled a gasp as he heard an explosion that quaked outside.

The only thing capable of doing that is. Martha. The only thing capable of destroying her was if something fell into her pipes.

The office door opened and his stomach turned into a knot. There was only one person facing him.

Flower kid.

He. Boris. Boris habit was. _Gone_. Wasn’t he?

“...”  
“I.”  
“I didn’t know things would turn out this way”

Kamal was so out of it that he was actually calmly reassuring them. It was just that professionalism part of being a doctor that kept him afloat. The event that played out… just sort of happened.  
Oh, Yknow. Some kid just killed some guy. Oh well. What can you do? _THEY DELIVER FLOWERS. DOING THIS WAS NOT ON THEIR SCHEDULE AT ALL. THIS KID PASSED AROUND PAINTINGS AND FETCHING BIRDS **AND NOW TODAY THEY KILLED SOMEONE.**_

Kamal hunched his back, “but I won’t tell anyone. My lips are sealed.”  
What else could he have said?  
“Good luck out there.”

— — —

Morning was just ending and the sun was at its peak.  
He stayed in the tower and watched flower kid walk away from the gates. He continued staring until they slipped out from being a dot in the bumpy horizon.  
The Carla’s floated on away to who knows where.  
When he felt truly alone he collapsed on his knees. It started with a few tears but the longer he thought about… _everything_ , Kamal just couldn’t hold it anymore. He gripped himself as he flopped onto the floor. Incomprehensible shouting fell from his mouth. This was the loudest he has been in a while. Ever. He didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t care.  
Curled up and thinking how different things would have been. He could have actually helped. He dug into his knees thinking about what he said to flower kid.- Sure Boris was not at all stable and who knows what he could have done to everyone if action wasn’t taken. But did he truly deserve That? Sure Boris was intimidating if you first meet him but his heart wasn’t not bricked up at all.  
Sure Boris said some stuff that Kamal didn’t like, but. Kamal did consider him a close friend. Off the clock, plenty of jokes were shared and whatnots. Hell, even during work, the big guy lets things as casual as can be.

Is Kamal remotely a good friend? Or just even as a person? If he couldn’t help at all after all this time he should have done Something right then where it truly mattered. Just a bang on the door could have worked. But he did absolutely nothing and his whole body shuddered frantically over that. If he looked over the glass riddled balcony, what would he see? Would there be anything to recover? Or would the sight just be revolting?

Kamal laid curled up as a mess and tried to be as small as he can be in the middle of an empty office room. He exhausted out all his grief which now left him to be actually exhausted. His eyes now drying up and his breathing deep and slow. The air is clean now. His mind nulled down to a fog of gray nothing. He unclenches his hand from his knees and have them heavily fall from his body. The side of his face gained the imprints of the floor.

He groggily moved his arms out and lift himself up. He got up and stood for a moment before his legs gave in again. Kamal was on his hands and knees.  
Well. What does it matter now? He crawled on his fours to the office chair. After clambering on into it he slumped down. He twisted around to press his face into the back support of the chair. It smelled like bubblegum. Soon that scent will fade away. Kamal inhaled deeply, ingraining it into his memory. He turned to his right and saw the shelf to the corner of the room, the makeshift backdrop with the pink curtain and the camera situated on it. Near it was the handmade puppet.

Kamal managed to ignore all the wall art strewn about the entire habitat, but seeing that made him lose it all over again, had he not already drained himself. There’s nothing to dump out if the bottle’s empty. He got up from the chair and hobbled on his feet. Kamal moved to the puppet with as much speed he was allowed. Softly grabbing ahold with shaky hands and shaky breaths, he held it and peered into the felt eyes. The orange just as close to the right shade as the real ones they were based off.  
God.

Kamal dragged himself back into the chair with the puppet clutched to his chest as if the fabric was made of wet paper.

He didn’t know when he finally fell asleep but when he peered through the window the sky was a strawberry milk color with the setting sun swirling around its red within it.

He exited the habitat with the puppet tucked into his arms. He didn’t bother having a last look around the place. The terrace, the apartments, the lounge, the boiler room, the courtyard, and sure as Hell he won’t be looking into the carnival.

Someone will hear about it emptying out and they’ll go investigate. And then it will be their thing to deal with it however they want to.

He wants nothing to do with the habitat anymore. So he goes back to the small town to join back with everyone.


	2. going forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t quite pinpoint the reason why he would take the puppet instead of anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this one is a lot longer.

Kamal grabbed the puppet from the top of the shelf and hastily left the habitat, for it to be dealt by the elements. 

He doesn’t quite pinpoint the reason why he would take the puppet instead of anything else. Perhaps it was because it was his late friends most prized possession and he wanted to honor him by taking care of it? Or simply it was made in the likes of his friend and it was as an extension of his person? Just have it to cope? It smelled like bubblegum. That scent would also fade out. 

  
  


Boris Habit created his puppet in secret when he was young. He hid the fabrics and sewing supplies within his pants drawer and pulled it open only when his parents were out of the house for business purposes, only to then quickly and carefully put it back when he hears the cars pull up. As he was growing up he kept his hair long to match his friend.  _ NOT _ to please his parents because they wanted him to have long hair to match what they thought he was. Boris was awestruck when he found a blue coat with a fluffy pink collar as he was thrift shopping. It was  _ Just _ like how he dressed his puppet as all those years ago!

The puppet was his only other friend aside from the lily that got too damaged and everyone at school picked on him for his suddenly changed feature. So when a day was too much for him he would whisper about all to the puppet and have him “speak” back in that funny little voice, opening and closing his hand in time to the words. When Boris was feeling really bad and didn’t want to say anything lest his parents be annoyed with his sobs, he would simply hold the puppet in his arms and stroke through his woolen hair. He never mentioned his puppet in his diaries because there’s the chance of at least one person snooping around and finding out about his one safety net.

When he left for college he packed the puppet with him and had to continue hiding it way for most of his terms, he’s a grown man carrying around a goddamn toy. Followed by his doctorate was his revelation dreams which lead to the construction to the habitat. 

With being in control of the place he can now finally freely have his puppet out and it was the perfect friendly face to put in front of the camera for advertising about the habitat and passing announcements in the habitat. 

But then flower kid came around and fazed him greatly on disturbing his order. 

And then came the first and final confrontation between the two where only one made it out alive. Kamal watched flower kid walk out and far away before he broke apart. 

—- —- —- 

And now the puppet is under a new.  _ Owner _ ? That word may be too direct. This is Not for Kamal to keep. 

_ Keep _ . Also not the best word. 

He took this himself. 

So why is he so unsure?

Is this what Boris would have wanted done? Should Kamal just throw it into the burning wreck that was formerly Martha? His gut says no. Besides, Kamal would have nothing left. 

He holds it closer and continues walking. 

He went into his own house. It was a small, shabby and cramped place but it was his nonetheless. A number of cobwebs and piles of dust accumulated during his absence, he couldn’t care about all that. He collapsed on the sofa as soon as he approached it, all energy vaporized out of him. 

The first night back in was hell. 

For starters it was a too different quiet that he got used to. No more rhythmic humming of the giant machine, or the hooting of y’owls. Or kids throwing golf balls around. None of that. He stared at the dark ceiling. 

He was only woken up because the sun was shining through the blinds at just the right angle to hit his eyes. He looked down and saw that he was practically squeezing the puppet, he unraveled his arms and patted it in a pathetic apology. He turned on the kitchen faucet to wash his face and nothing came out. Oh right. 

The water and electricity got turned off. He’ll just deal with that later. Kamal was planning on going to the grocery store to get a pack of water bottles, but he realized he looks like absolute shit. He feels like absolute shit. Hopefully no one robbed the place while he was gone, or if they did at least left his closet alone. 

He changed his shirt and pants. Good enough. 

But. 

If he goes to the store, he would be alone. The puppet would be alone. Stuck in an unfamiliar territory, it must be terrified. It’s not like he can just take it with him and have no one notice. 

He slumped back on the couch again . 

All that walking from the living room to his room and back to the living room drained him. His mental state is just filled with black heavy tar that weighs down his limbs. 

He lays his back on the seats once more and holds the puppet out above his head. He studies the details and wonders if Boris had a sewing hobby that he didn’t know of. Well, he would never know of now. Anything that he would have ever wanted to say would never be spoken. He lowers it down to his face. Despite it being of fabric it was quite large and had some weight to him. It applied just enough pressure for Kamal to doze off again, his chin resting on its head. 

He woke up to find that same tight squeeze. He stares at it and only loosened his arms. 

His eyes start welling up and he doesn’t make any effort to prevent that. He lets the tears roll down the sides of his face, onto the couch. 

He must have passed out from sobbing because he finds himself waking up again. He looks at his arms and sees he’s not applying that same suffocating squeez again. Mostly because his arms are empty. Kamal turned his head to groggily scan his surroundings, spotting the puppet on the floor at a longer distance and what he can reach out. On any other day he would have yelped out in shock when he rolled off and hit the floor. He stuck his arm out again and this time made contact with the puppet, and dragged it back to cradle into his chest. At least today he changed locations. 

— — — 

He regained consciousness because he heard knocking at the door. 

_ Who? _

_ Why? _

He didn’t care. He only curled more so with the puppet. 

Whoever was knocking soon realized that the door was unlocked all this time he got back. 

“Oh Jesus Christ…” 

_ That voice. Sounds familiar… _

Kamal responded with having his shoulders patted by tilting his head up. His vision was now somewhat blurry from excessive tears and lack of hydration but he can make out a blue shape

“Hey b-buddy you with me?” 

Dry empty croaking as all kamal can muster out. 

“F-ff-fuck. Come on. I’ll just. Uh..”

Kamal felt himself being lifted and brought back onto the couch.  _ So much for moving _ . It was difficult for him to be situated vertically as he was swaying from side to side. His head was held in place by the hands of the person that unexpectedly came to his house but based on the behavior it’s someone he should know. His mind was half tar and half fog. 

“Kamal what the hell happened to you?” 

Kamal looked at his hands and saw how shaky and  _ Empty _ they were. 

“I heard that you came back here b-but you never came back out… so I-I-I came here to check up on you. And I see all. This.” Kamals attention was wavering from in and out 

“I find you curled up on the floor holding something, what is that?” “...” “wait is this—“ 

Kamal lurched forward almost smacking into this person. He held his hands out in weak desperation. 

“Kamal what? What?? This is The Boris Habits puppet! What is it doing here? Where is he?” 

Hearing that name almost made him fall apart, had his body not been running on fumes. He continued to waver his arms out. 

“Shit kamal.” The puppet was delicately placed within his grip “when was the last time you ate?” 

_ “I don’t know”  _ is what he was trying to say instead of having a drawn out groan. 

He really couldn’t tell because his last meal was a bit of a while before the evacuation. 

“Ok. Ok. Okokok. Fine. I’m taking you back me.” 

Kamal felt himself being lifted once again but this time he was taken through the door, outside and put into the passenger side of a car. At least he was able to hold onto the puppet. 

—-

Kamal finally got a cup of water as soon as he was placed inside this person's own home. When he finished the considerate large cup he peered at the person who must have a lot of spare time to help him out. 

“...wallus?...”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Wallus. I’m so. Sorry...”

“A-about what?”

“For you to see me. Like this.”

Wallus took in a deep breath and thought for a moment. “Kamal.” He placed his hands on his shoulders “If I Didn’t see you I don’t think anyone else would have. And you had one foot in the grave, who knows how close the other one was”

He pulled kamal into himself. “Don’t apologize a-about that.” 

Kamal was getting a hug. 

Kamal wanted one so badly but  _ This _ was  _ Not _ how he expected it to be. 

All the water he drank pooled back out through his eyes. He was probably staining Wallus’s shirt but he didn’t seem to mind. He clutched the puppet tightly and sobbed harder. 

“Bo-b-borisss… he- Boris is de..ad..”

.

“W

Ait. What?”

Kamal pulled himself away and sucked in a few gasps of air, “he’s dead. It was flower kid.”

“Flower kid?!”

“They didn’t MEAN TO. IT WAS JUST THINGS WENT WRONG AND ANDANd… and it just sort of happened. The balcony was open..”

Kamal stared blankly at nothing specific “I tried to help. I really did. But, I just… nothing. I was scared and I locked up and I heard him fall and I saw flower kid leave and I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing. I'm just a useless coward who cries and hides and didn’t help at all and—“

“Kamal.” 

“...”

“Kamal stop whatever you are saying. You are not useless. If it weren’t for you I doubt any of us would’ve escaped before The Big Event happens” 

“But I let him die!”

“...” Wallus closed his eyes to think, “it wasn’t  _ Your _ action directly, wasn’t it?”

“What, trying to make me hate them to make myself better? I'm trying so hard to not blame them for everything. They are a  **kid** ! They don’t need any more of this!” 

“...”

“Had I  _ Only _ opened the door…” 

“So...” Wallus waved a hand over the puppet, “So this is why you took This with you?” 

“...yeah…”

“Oh kamal…” this time wallus leaned himself into kamal. 

And this time not a single sound came out. 

—- —- —- 

Kamal stayed the night with Wallus. One part there’s actually food there, and the other part because Wallus couldn’t trust having him alone. It's not like the puppet can make sure he gets out of bed every day. Kamal stayed more than a night. 

Two things Kamal needs to see: a real therapist and flower kid. He didn’t really protest, especially on the latter. 

Having the one other person to bear with the secret and build each other back up. 

_ How was flower kid affected? They didn’t know Him quite as long, but strangers can still feel bad from other’s tragedies.  _

_ Did they care? _

Kamal was going to meet them up at the local coffee shop. Soon. He let them know in the email that he was going to bring Wallus along. He  _ did _ tell him about what happened… 

just as a safety measure of unknown increments, the puppet will be left behind. 

—- —- —- 

Kamal fidgeted with his hands as he waited at a table. Wallus was carefully sipping some iced water. Flower kid finally walked through the doors. 

Kamal was rushed with a mixture of emotions upon seeing them. Though it should be mentioned there was a bit of anger in that concoction. He wasn’t sure if he should feel guilty about that. 

But all that was muddled out and as they approached the two. Their features were clearer as they got closer and Kamal can see the dark bags under their eyes. 

“Uhh. Hey. How are you doing?” He wryly asked as they sat down. 

_ You idiot of course they aren’t doing well.  _

“Still doing the whole florist job?”

Flower kid shrugged and nodded. 

Wallus didn’t have much to say on his mind so he continued sipping. 

“Well that’s great. I guess. Haha” Kamal was sweating bullets and hoped no one noticed. Or if they did, to just mind their business. God he’s pathetic. 

He wanted to say so much stuff that it was almost crushing him, but only remained as his meek self because he was in a public space. 

Whatever was bubbling within him flattened out as he watched flower kid open their mouth to show the replacements. 

He was too buried in his own thoughts to pay attention to whatever Wallus and flower kid was talking about that lead up to this. 

Kamal couldn’t fit any words in his mind that could defend Boris. 

If he was able to do this to them, then he could have done it to anybody irregardless of age and history. 

So Kamal stayed silent. 

_ Goddamn it none of you known him like me.  _

Flower kid suddenly started to dig around their bouquet and pulled out something in their hand. They set it in the middle of the table so all three can have a look. It was a white flower with long slender petals. 

“It’s a… tooth lilie?” Kamal blurted out. 

Flower kid nodded. 

“Oh I uhh. It was just there was a few times that I’ve heard him talk about these things, b-but I never actually saw one in person!...” 

  
  


Flower kid distracted themselves on the gnawing regrets by hyper focusing on growing the seed to full bloom to the point they were damaging themselves from lack of sleep and forgetting to take care of themselves. 

They horded the crumpled up diary pages like a dragon and stared at them for hours to figure out what the bottom notes were about. And because they were the only remaining pieces that they had of him. 

When they finally accomplished the task and retrieved the white from within the red petals, they didn’t know what to do with themselves now. 

That’s when the regrets finally bit through. 

And when they saw the email blip up, they replied with desperate speed. 

And now here they are. 

Wallus cleared his throat. 

“Uh hey… when someone hears about the place and look for it, they might find out about him. And then it could be made news.”

“Ghhhh” Kamal slumped low to his seat

“Yeah that will happen.” 

“If you’re suggesting that we go back and go there first, I’m not doing it. No.”

And that part was just left at that. 

Kamal let out a breath and raised himself back up to the table, eyes on the lily. “Despite everything… I still miss him.” 

“Is that bad?” 

“It’s only natural” wallus said placing his hand on his shoulder 

And being in a public space was the only reason he didn’t start bawling his eyes out. 

Perhaps even for flower kid. 

—- 

Over time the three managed to cope. Slowly but surely things gotten… better. 

Yeah there were some days where it all just swings back around, but they are there to take care of each other. 

The habitat was cleared up and left to collect dust. But every so often a new plant takes root within the walls. 


End file.
